The Joy of Owning a Prius

A few years ago, I was driving all over creation for work and to officiate wrestling, and I thought it would be a good idea to save a few bucks and get a more economical car. For a while, it was pretty cool to go 500 miles on 10 gallons. But there were some other benefits too.

You know how BMWs tend to make some people drive like, well, BMW drivers? The same phenomenon happens with the Prius.

When I bought one, I immediately became a different driver. Firstly, it was to save gas.  I wanted to see how good a mileage I could get, so I would drive slowly and cautiously. I never bolted from a stop light. If there was a chance to let someone go first, I would. I never would zoom in front of someone in a hurry. That started because I was driving a Prius.

Then I noticed that I was naturally a less aggressive driver. I became polite for the sake of being polite.  I am happy to wave people in front of me who are trying to merge. I am a nicer driver. That is an example of the physical preceding the mental.

Something similar happened when I bought new shoes.  I went into the Rockport store and wanted to get some shoes that were comfortable, so I got the Rock Cove hiking shoe with Kinetic Air Circulator technology.  And all of a sudden I felt like I wanted to move my feet.  There was a spring in my step, and I wanted to almost run.  I say "almost" because I hate running so much that I hate people who run.

But I found it interesting that putting these shoes on my feet changed my attitude immediately.

So, being in an absolutely position of authority, I have FIVE rules for Prius ownership.

1: Make sure you are married. A Prius may attract a lot of things, but chicks ain't one of them.
2: Don't pay for the nicer rims. Seriously, this isn't a car that needs high performance anodized rims with Pirelli tires. If anything, get some Goodyear Assurance with 80k mile warranty and fuggedaboutit.
3. Be content. This is not the Bullitt Mustang, it is simply transportation. Emasculating, maybe, but it will get you from Point A to Point B. And is masculinity really tired to a car? (Femininity, yes . . .)
4. Be aware. You are driving the equivalent of a minivan, so you will be cut off. Often. And not just by BMW drivers.
5. Rewrite song lyrics and sing out. It works!
 - My Toyota Prius does one-eight-five, I lost my license and now I don't drive
 - Prius Sally . . . all you want to do is ride, Sally, ride
 - Little Red Prius, baby you're much too fast
 - She was sitting cross-legged on the hood of a Prius
 - I met all my wives in traffic jams, there's something women like about a Prius man
 - The list goes on and on

So, go get a Prius. In fact, I will sell you mine. I want another truck.